Sometimes I wonder about myself.

I wonder what it is exactly that makes me think and do the things that I do.

I guess life is just one great big experiment. It's something that each of us gets to try out. We each make decisions and then wait to see what happens when they pan out.

But, what is supposed to happen when you are wrong? What do you do when nothing goes the way you thought that it would? Do you accept it? Or do you simply go on as though it never happened? What if it changes your life? What if it is something you could have never expected, no matter how prepared you thought you were?

What do you do then?

I have yet to figure this out.

It's as though my life is changing drastically all around me and although I know that I am very much a part of it, I feel as though I am being consumed by the change, rather than learning how to live with it.

I'd like to think that all of the new things that have been thrust upon me would be easier if it had come slowly over a long period of time. But, then again, what is it that makes having all of it together so hard?

I think that I have come to believe that people are more than just plain old complicated..including (and especially) myself.

I'd like to believe that change is good and neccessary...that it is healthy and needed by everyone. I know that it is, but what is it that makes me so unable to cope with it?

Wow, this is hard. I do and do not know what it is that I want to say.

And, to put it honestly, that says it all.