Tonight I have sat here and begun to write several times and each time I have deleted what it was that I had started to say. I'm not sure why. Maybe I have run out of things to say. Maybe I have nothing more to give out because nothing is coming in. Maybe I've become afraid of the truth that I might reveal to myself.

Oh, the truth. What could it be that I am so frightened of? Could it be that I am not the person that everyone thinks I am? Or could I not be the person that I think that I am?

Perhaps it is a bit of both.

I need to suck it up and take a step back and view me from a respectable distance. It may not be pretty, but then again, my attitude as of lately has not been all that spectacular. I think that I may have even scared some people away. Far away.

I don't want to see what it is that is making me flip out. I don't want to know what is making me so angry. I don't want to know why I am behaving the way that I am.

It scares me. What if there is something truly wrong? What if I need some kind of help? Why do my friends set me off into a blind rage? What has anyone done to make me this way? Why am I feeling so angry?

It's so frustrating. I know that there is something wrong. It is making me angry and upset, but I can't pin point the exact cause. I don't think that it is some person or some event...but I'm not sure.

I'm losing it and I can't stop it.

I'm angry and I'm scared.

Oh what do I do?