I wish that I could say to someone � Hey, you make me feel good�You make me feel needed.
It�s too bad that I can�t do that.
I managed to get rid of someone who actually cared about what I had to say. It didn�t matter that half of what came out of my mouth was crazy. He loved me, but I couldn�t love him in return.
That sucks.
I�d like to think that there is the possibility of finding some sort of loving happiness. It just would help my days and nights go by so much smoother if I knew there was a guarantee on love. Even if the person that I was destined to be with has already met a tragic end before I have gotten a chance to be with them�.At least I would have known that there was someone who was meant for me.
I do have an ideal, though. And try as I might, I always think of him. He is a standard and it kills me because I have no idea what our relationship is really all about. There is the obvious friendship that has always been there and will probably always be there. But does he think of me differently than that? Was he honest when I asked him about last year?
Yes, there is one person that knows me on a day to day basis and reads this, so yes you know who this is that I am talking about.
Why can�t I figure any of this mess out? It�s not like it�s rocket science.
You would think that I could just have the balls to ask him what he thinks�but then you have to factor in the embarrassment factor. What if there is no mutual feeling, or even worse, what if there used to be but I have missed it by not acting soon enough.
I want to scream�it pisses me off. Why can�t I be more perceptive? Why must I always remain clueless?
Oh my�.my mother was right. I don�t have a clue. I don�t ever see the obvious � all of those things that happen right before your eyes.
I suppose that may make me cute and endearing to some of my friends. Actually, I know that it does. I�ve even been told as much.
I�m not saying that I am an airhead. I�m very far from that. It�s just that when it comes down to the signals that the other sex sends�we�ll just say that I don�t pick them up well. I�m sorry, I can flirt, but realizing that I am being flirted with is just not my fort�.
I need some balls�too damn bad I�m not a man, then at least I�d be born with some.
Oh, Lulu, grow the fuck up.