I thought that I had banished them last year after I disappeared from 'real' life. And now, the urges, the need is back. It has come from nowhere, and thank god I have no way to go and get what it is that I crave or I would spend the rest of this week in a jacked up stupor.

But, god, that feeling...I loved it so much.

What's going on? I think I may be wanting to replace what I'm feeling now with a old familiar feeling, however fake and unreal it might have been.

Just a little..it won't hurt anything, right?

Maybe later this week...

Six months of clean living and what has it gotten me?

Lulu, you don't need to start all of that again. You know better.

But, man, what I wouldn't do for just a brief flash of that feeling.