I know, I know, how is it that Lulu has run out of words? It can�t be, can it? The girl that talks more than anyone else can�t think of a damn thing to say.

Maybe it�s just that there is so much to say that I don�t know where to begin. More than likely that is the case. I just have way too much buzzing around inside this gigantic super brain of mine that putting it into mere words is almost impossible.

Anyway, I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. Usually that�s how it�s done.

So, hold onto to your hats, boys and girls. It�s verbal regurgitation time:

I�ll be honest, I am not exactly the most clued in type of girl when it comes to the fellas. You would think that after 25 years I would be able to at least know if someone digs me. Well, let me just state for the record that I am a hopeless case. I just don�t get it. And to make things worse, when I think that I do get it, I really don�t.

Let�s take the most recent case that I have actually written about on these very pages. Let�s see, to save myself from any embarrassment in case someone I know reads this, I�ll just call this dude Mark.

I met Mark a little over a year ago. He is 6 years older than me and is absolutely one of the most beautiful people I�ve ever met. He is a college graduate who is a fledgling rock god. Holy shit, I�m such a dork.

We flirted for months and months and finally in May we slept together. The sleeping together became a slightly regular thing and then�.she happened.

One of the herd (long story) tried to set Mark up with her very beautiful friend. Since we were nothing official and I am a notorious non-committer, he agreed to go out with this girl. It was fine with me. No, really, it was.

Well, he ended up sleeping with her. Also, fine, because I was busy myself elsewhere. Like I said, we were not in a relationship so what he or I did independent of each other was none of the other person�s business. And, to be fair, he only slept with one girl other than me, while I tried on four different guys. Yes, I know, Lulu just may have been a bit of a dirty slut.

But my point is, I think that I was jealous. Actually, I know that I was. While he and I had been hanging out together, I happened to begin falling for him. How could I not? He is smart, talkative, funny, talented, and good looking. And, man oh man, the sex was and still is awesome. Let�s just say, the boy likes to go downstairs and he�s really good at it.

Any ladies biting at the bit to meet him? Stand in fucking line.

And, to top it all off, he is just as clueless as me when it comes to realizing when someone is flirting with him. I just think he rocks.

Anyway, we are still sleeping together and hanging out, plus this other girl is no longer in the picture because she tried to force a relationship on him and he wasn�t going to be her (or anybody�s) boyfriend. This has got to be one of the most stressful things ever. I know now that I am head over fucking heels for him and he doesn�t want to be in a relationship. Normally, I�d be right there with him, but this time it�s different. For the first time in years, I actually want to be part of a couple.

I don�t know what to do.

Like I said the last time, most of those that I fall in love with never love me in return. This must be some sort of karmic punishment from a past life. I must be destined to roam through this life completely alone. Maybe my past me crushed the only person truly loved her or committed some heinous deed that is reason for her to be unloved. I don�t know.

Boy, that last little bit was slightly depressing. So, moving on with the story�

I like him and he likes me. This much is obvious, otherwise our non-relationship would not have lasted this long (it�s been six, count them, six months).

Maybe I should just sit down and talk to him about what I�m really feeling. Get everything off of my chest and hope it doesn�t freak him out. Or I could just send him one of those notes. You know � Do you like me? Check yes or no.

Yeah, that�s sounds like the most mature plan. Note it is.