I told him that I loved him, in the best way that I knew how to. It involved a bunch of um's, er's, and hmm's. I am such a dork. How is it that I have no problem letting him know about how everything else in my life is going, but I can't tell him about the parts of my life that involve him?
And since when do I ever care about these things? God, it's so obvious that I'm infatuated. At least, it is to me-I never act like this. What am I? A teenage girl with a secret crush? I need to get my act together.
Anyway, let me get to the point.
After talking to him last night, I went to sleep. I first dreamed that I was driving and I had to swerve around birds in the road. They were big and beautiful and I didn't want to hit them. Then, I had a dream about a bird that got into my house. I caught it and didn't want to let it go, but I had to or it would have died. It was trying to get to the other birds outside. I watched it fly off, until I couldn't see it anymore. All I can vividly remember was its wings. They were huge, blue wings that had feathers that fanned out all over.
Then, on the way home I saw a butterfly with blue and yellow wings. It was awesome, but it flew in front of my car. I almost got into a wreck trying to avoid hitting it. That's when I remembered about my dreams. Weird. It was too similar for me.
What's with the color blue and wings and flying and avoiding and letting go?
Do I need to let go of what is holding me back?
Do I need to stop avoiding things and just run into them head on?
Do I need to close my eyes and allow myself to fly higher than I've been before?
Yes, it scares me to not know.
Yes, it scares me to not be in control.
Yes, I will take the plunge and to hell with the consequences.